There it is, my prediction on the outcome of the Federal Election, a Liberal National Coalition win. This prediction has been reached using the “Gutometer” a carefully honed instrument, developed over many years of interaction with the good, the bad and the ugly, which has a probability of success rate of 85% +/- 5%. The Gutometer has found a myriad of uses in making life decisions with considerable success, though I must admit that the decision to purchase a new hard drive for an old and failing computer was a bad call.
So how do I see the benefits of this momentous election outcome given that it looks like the world economy is heading for a double dip Global Financial Crisis? Australia will head back to a neo-Howard era, exacerbated by the new Federal government’s cry of “the state of Australia’s finances are terrible, we won’t be able to do all that we promised!” and “productivity is low and we need to give companies better ways of managing labour”. The Gutometer predictions:
- We will finally get to see the REAL Tony Abbott and his neo-conservative government, and it won’t be pretty
- There will be an attempted spill in the Liberal Party due to the closeness of the Turnbull/Abbott vote as the various factions try to set the political agenda, and they all thought Tony “was a bit strange” anyhow
- The Green’s new dominance in the Senate will see “government for the people by the loopy fringe dwellers”
- We will get to appreciate that the Labor government wasn’t all that bad after three years of Coalition mismanagement
- The promises (most of them are on the never never anyhow) will all be on hold until the deficit created by the naughty Labor party is repaid
- Joe Public will forget all the promises and they’ll all be back on the table at the next election. A promise lost is a promise to be revisited
- Repayment of the deficit will take longer than expected because the Great Big Tax on Mining will no longer be and there will be a double dip GFC
- Australia will shrink away from engagement with the Asia-Pacific region and retain its position as the great Asian mining pit
- The cancellation of the National Broadband Network will cost many millions in penalty payments, Telstra shares will become “penny dreadfuls”
- If the financial crisis double dip occurs we will see unemployment figures average around 8-9% with youth unemployement in the 15-20% range
- Changes to the labour laws will bring back individual employee contracts and dispense with the unfair dismissal laws
- The Labor Party will spend 2010/2011 fighting internally because of the election loss. Outcome, Kevin Rudd will be asked to lead the party into the 2012/13 election and Julia Gillard will become a Labor leper. “Kevin O 13” sounds very attractive. And finally
- Another three years of government driven by cynicism, pragmatism, mediocrity and visionary myopia. And I’m talking about all sides of the political fence. Mind you the National Broadband Network was the most visionary thing to appear on the political horizon over the past 15 years.
So there they are, the Gutometer predictions. I really do hope that fantasy doesn’t become reality.