We’ve all seen (or experienced) the actions of the self-obsessed, selfish, ignorant (and often downright dangerous) in our travels through life. The Mobile Moron trying to drive their car whilst reading or composing a text message; Glamour Puss putting on make-up in the rear view mirror while doing 110 kph on the freeway; Fast Food Freddie trying to manage a steering wheel, a hamburger, and a drink in his rush toward oblivion, and; Tortoise Ted (often, but not always, a geriatric) who lives under the erroneous impression that one can safely merge into several lanes of 110 kph traffic while maintaining a speed of 80 to 90 kph. Gosh! Sometimes they even slow down so that they can find a ‘safe’ merge spot – much to the further annoyance of drivers behind them.
These are just some examples of such people, and there are many more out there – respective deity please save us! After a while you reach the exasperated state that, though you have no real objection to them ending their lives in some horrible accident (Evolution in Action really), you object, rather strongly, to them taking you (your family members or friends) to oblivion along with themselves.
Having just returned from a delightful holiday and 4WD self drive trip from Broome, along the unsurfaced Gibb River Road to Kununurra, and back again on the bitumen, I’ve found a few more examples of such people. I’ll do a travel blog with piccys of the trip next, after getting rid of my residual angst by ranting about ‘those who serve’. That is, those who serve to make a right NONG of themselves and make what are enjoyable holidays just that little bit exasperating by behaving like complete dickheads! No! Sorry, that’s by demonstrating that they are, truly, dickheads!
We have a word in Australia, ‘Nong’, which has been used in Oz slang as; a pretty mild and/or endearing insult or, referring to someone as a bit of a twit or, as a comprehensive idiot. Alternatively it’s been used to describe a clueless weirdo who is incredibly silly. I’d like to redefine the word NONG to mean: A Nauseatingly Overbearing Narcissistic Grub who, co-incidentally, is totally superfluous to life as we know it! Here’s my collection of such blights upon a respectful, courteous and considerate humanity as experienced during our recent trip:
The Four Wheel Drive Do Do: This is the NONG who imagines that they are the greatest 4WD driver in the universe and drive as fast as possible on corrugated roads best suited to camel trains, in the belief that they are indestructible. These folks don’t give a stuff about anyone else’s life, or slowing down to pass another vehicle, or to protect other folks windscreens, or anything really. They represent the excrement of the responsible 4WD driver community. These idiots are particularly frightening when you are negotiating the outside of a curve, and they hurtle past on the inside of the curve, spraying chunks of rock about on a corrugated and unstable road surface and with the control of their vehicle entirely dependent upon good fortune and chance. Such grubs should be banned from driving anything, ever!
Or this one:
The Bus Space Waster (or is that Waste of Space?): This NONG hops on the Broome bus service and proceeds to occupy two seats in a fairly crowded bus, with his shopping on the other two and feet up on the seats thereby inconveniencing everyone, except himself of course. Thoughtfulness and consideration of others are obviously not strong points with this arrogant little dork, and neither is intellect it would seem. The fact that he’s wearing a Liquor Land employee T-shirt doesn’t do much for one’s perception of such an erstwhile organisation, nor for their skills in employee selection for that matter.
And this one:
Mr I Sit Where I Like & Stuff You Mate: The Broome Qantas Club Lounge (a challenging description at best) is about as big as a reasonably sized double bedroom, stuffed with a chiller for comestibles and seats, with a dearth of passageways in it. This boring NONG, deciding that he’ll sit close to people he appears to know, promptly moves a seat into the passageway thereby effectively restricting all movement to what remains of the now further limited free space. It’s moments like this that you wish a sniffer dog would come up and pee on his leg. Unfortunately there appeared to be none of these dogs at Broome airport! Damn!
Thankfully this Nong wasn’t sitting anywhere near us on the flight back to Sydney and aircraft seats are fixed in place – thank whatever deity you worship!!
At last back in Sydney, down at the baggage collection area. Everyone standing about a metre back from the travelling baggage thingy waiting for start-up. Gives everyone a nice view and you can step in and extricate your bag without too much fuss, eh? Thingy starts up and along comes, The Baggage Standover Man! This NONG (unfortunately wasn’t able to get piccy) promptly stands as close to the travelling thingy as possible, blocking everyone’s view while he awaits HIS bags to arrive. Stuff anyone being able to see their bags – as long as he gets his as effortlessly as possible regardless of the inconvenience being caused to others. This fellow becomes particularly galling when you miss your bag because of his obstruction of your view and you have to either chase after it, or wait until it comes around again!
And now, because others can’t see, everyone else moves in so that they can see what’s going on. The result being the general shovingly, grasping, pushy chaos that occurs around most baggage retrieval systems – Ohhhh Joy!
And sadly, I must admit, with some embarrassment, my secret delight at standing like an immovable, threatening rock so that he had to shuffle his bags around me to get out of the general melee. See, these NONGS can bring out the worst in people!
And that’s my rant for today!