Imagine, if you will, that this grumpy old bugger is an evil Jihadi monster, intent on creating much mayhem! OK! OK! When you’ve recovered from the sniggering and the LOL’s, we’ll continue!
I have two phones. One I call “phone home”. That’s the one that whenever I turn it on says “Looking for GPS”. This is the phone that stays home when I’m off doing my evil monstering and only goes out when I’m not – if you see what I mean. That’s because the little loudmouth quite happily tells everyone where I am, all the time! And remembers everything I do on it! The other phone’s a nifty little model kindly supplied by my “friends” and which I call “offonoff”. That’s because it’s an encrypted little beauty that no-one (that’s no-one) can get at the messages on it (as if there would be) and it doesn’t store the numbers I’ve dialled. Well there’s only one (or maybe two) that I use it for anyway and they are hardwired into my memory! It’s moniker is because its “off sans battery” until I turn it “on” and then when I’ve made my contact, briefly, it’s turned “off” and the battery removed. My “offonoff” is the one that I use for “business” – if you see what I mean.
When I travel I’ve got my Opal card which handily tells those who want to know where I’m going to and coming from. Unfortunately, I seem to leave it home a lot and have to buy tickets. Especially when I’m doing “business” – if you know what I mean. I really must do something about my forgetfulness!
I’ve also got a motorbike to enable me to get around. It’s a common model, with a common colour, and with an unremarkable numberplate. I find it so useful in going places that are inaccessible by larger vehicles, and you can hide it away rather conveniently when required. There’s nothing quite like it for nipping up a narrow lane and avoiding all that following traffic! It’s especially useful when I need to get a bit of country air, off the beaten track with those “friends” I do “business” with. You’d be amazed at just how remote some places in this country really are! And I never, ever, use tollways – so expensive!
I go for regular walks. One has to keep up the regular exercise you know and I walk every day, even if it’s only for 30 minutes or so. Very often on my walks I see the daubings of the idiots who by spraying their tags on something seem to think that it makes them somehow important! Bit sad really but they do help to camouflage the daubings that I’m interested in. You know the number, or the symbol, in chalk that tells me when I have to meet someone for “business”. But don’t be fooled because that number lies. One of the rules of the game is that the number is adjusted according to a few other simple rules. So a seven might mean a meeting in two days or five, or eleven. A chalk mark from me, somewhere else tells the messenger that the message has been received. That mark will also say whether I’ll meet, or, that something is amiss and stay tuned for my next chalk mark.
Then there’s the meet, or not. There’s lots of those convenient coffee shops which also provide one with WiFi (thanks). I do find Virtual Private Networks so interesting! You can conveniently meet for “business” there, or get your information from the “brush-by” in the street, in the shop, or in some little “oops” moment on a street full of people. There’s those cheeky little signs that your assignation gives you when you walk into the shop if it’s actually a meet. Like reading the first couple of pages (come sit, talk), or looking at the sport’s pages (situation compromising, sit elsewhere, drink coffee, leave and we’ll meet another time). Never a dull moment eh?
So what’s the point? I’m no Jihadi, I don’t have any secret service experience either, but I can figure out (courtesy of reading and other media) how to make myself untrackable should I need to. There are others out there more cunning than I, more committed to some stupid cause than I, more willing to commit mayhem than I.
So when you say to me that your metadata collection is for my good, and to protect me from our enemies, then I say BULLSHIT! Those intent on committing real harm won’t be advertising in their metadata what they are up to and won’t be letting you know where they are courtesy of their mobile cellphones. The only cells that such people know are secret cells working independently to one another for a common nefarious cause.
You couldn’t even sort out Haron Monis, and that resulted in Monis killing one person and the so-called “protectors” killing one and injuring others. And you expect me to believe you on the metadata laws. This is more about unfettered access to information about Joe Public and with a “BULLSHIT” excuse. So please! Spare me the crapdoodle!
For some reason that little rant led to pinching someone else’s metadata, sticking a couple of words into it, and claiming it as mine!
The toads gave us some insight into the Lieberal infighting about support of gay marriage and the adherence to rules by tools with some Jackbootish overtones.
And all of a sudden we found our Minister for Education start channelling Adolf Hitler in his approach to education.
And Gotterdammerung, if the Minister for Oppressing Refugees Dutton didn’t get in on the act!
And never let it be said that if Dutton can do it then so can our Prime Minister Abbott person – that master of the Three Word Slogan!
The Bloody Rat leapt into the fray and applied his expertise in diagnostics to the plight of the Medical Research Future Fund.
He thought that Amanda Vanstone was pretty slow on the uptake with regard to Tony Abbott but when realisation finally dawned made the point fairly “pointed” – you might say!
And Ratty got really excited when he realised that Tony Abbott also has moments of revelation!
Rattus eruditis consulted his oracle, well the “Book of Quotations” really and gave us a relevant quote.
And we decided to give you a bit of a hand in the guessing game that follows his little snippet of wit!
And there you have it . . . . . . . .!
AFTERTHOUGHT: If you don’t punish politicians and their parties for lying to you, you are predetermining your treatment as a fool!
POSTSCRIPT: All characters appearing in this work are entirely, and amazingly, fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living, dead or in a zombie like state, is purely coincidental with an exceptionally high probability of being the construct of a deluded mind trying to grasp the true meaning of the political unreality of Australian politics! We can only gaze upon such greatness with wonderment!