SIGH! What a let down!! No Tony Rabbott photos, not even one from the drunken and debauched farewell party of our hairy chested, shirtless, ex-leader. SIGH!! And then when we looked at our new TEAM LEADER AUSTRALIA’s team it was a bit of this, a bit of that, and just a few more of the same old tat! SIGHHHHHHH!!
The coup leaders claimed that the Canning by-election win was because of the NEW GREAT LEADER. The Labor party claimed that the loss was a win for them because of a 7% swing. And all we ended up with was just another right wing nut job in Federal parliament! SIGHHHHHH! We’ve only just got rid of one!!
But back to that new Cabinet of the man who gave us Fraudband. So kinda mundane!. Pick a few of your mates who helped you win. And then pick a few of the bastards that tried to do you in so that there wouldn’t be an internecine war. SIGHHHHHH! Well, we thought you’d missed at least one great performer and that there were Cabinet roles that went unfilled. So we’ve made a few suggestions – that Bloody Rat helped out – and we hope that you’ll take them on board, Malcolm! Malcolm??
We felt that every good team needs an underperformer that can act as the butt of jokes and be held up as an example of what not to be. Poor Joe Hockey seemed to fit the position quite snugly.
It was felt that George Brandis would be much better placed if he was given a role more fitting his interests. This Ministry seemed appropriate.
Mathias Cormann on the other hand appears well suited for a role in fronting the media at every possible occasion as he seems to be able to say absolutely nothing, for a very long time, and say it very well! We’d like him in this role.
And Peter Dutton? Well, what can you say? Unlike Matthais he’s a dour, rather reticent chap and we felt that he needed to be stretched a bit. Not on a rack as was suggested by Rat, but get him out there talking to the people and opening up on those naughty “operational and on water matters” with the role of;
And Barnaby Joyce? Well there’s only one role for a man that can hold an Alpaca and look like a crazy. YEP! Inanity is definitely his forte!
And if ever there was a man with his eyes firmly on the prize, whichever way it went, it’s our Scotty Morrison and it was felt that this Portfolio would fit him like a glove.
And with Mal Brough’s intense interest in the content of diaries it was felt that scheduling would be very much in the man’s line of expertise. So there’s a spot for him.
Given Julie Bishop’s expertise in surviving as a Deputy to three Liberal leaders and now two Prime Ministers it was felt that this position more ably suited her skills rather than boring old Foreign Minister.
And our very own Arfur Sinodinos needs a job that gives him ample opportunity to deliver his skill set. A Ministry, not Cabinet Secretary, is definitely something that Arfur deserves.
Michaelia Cash? Anything to do with the performing arts we thought initially. But then it it was realised that the Senate is indeed the place for performance and, naturally, this is the Ministry for her.
And finally in the allocation of Ministries we felt that Christopher Pyne deserved something better than Industry, Innovation and Science. And given that he is Cabinet’s “Mr Fixit” this Ministry was thought appropriate.
And last of all we gave some thought to those who fell by the wayside, but probably felt that that had been shafted.
We asked Rat whether he had any feelings of sorrow that such individuals had been dumped by the wayside in the insane rush to good polls. After a brief thought, a glance at a nice piece of camembert, Rat fixed us with his steely eyes and said feelingly (in Rat speak), “Nope! Nope! Nope!!”
And there you have it . . . . . . . .!
AFTERTHOUGHT: If you don’t punish politicians and their parties for lying to you, you are predetermining your treatment as a fool!
POSTSCRIPT: All characters appearing in this work are entirely, and amazingly, fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living, dead or in a zombie like state, is purely coincidental with an exceptionally high probability of being the construct of a deluded mind trying to grasp the true meaning of the political unreality of Australian politics! We can only gaze upon such greatness with wonderment!