GOOOOOOOD MORNING SUCKERS!! Or you probably will be once you connect through your favoured internet service provider to NBN Co’s pathetic fucking excuse for a National Broadband Network!! PS: If you don’t like the ‘F’ word I suggest that you close your browser NOW! I’m usually reticent with the usage of four letter words but this NBN debacle has left me soooo fucking angry, I may have a cardiac infarct at any moment – or totally exhaust my extensive list of other expletives!
A LITTLE BIT OF BACKGROUND
There they were, our little NBN Co (or one of their many contractors) busily poking NBN cabling into the ground to connect us to the Lieberal/Neutered Puppies professed “it’ll be better than Labor’s EXPENSIVE direct to the home network” alternative. YEAH! FUCKING RIGHT!!
Then along comes the notification from my provider of some 20 plus years (iiNet [previously Ozemail] enlightening me to the delights of connecting (HEY GUESS WHAT? YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE – IT’S THIS NBN OR FUCK ALL!) to the NBN. Lovely little chatties with friendly consultant about the appropriate plan. Little ole me seeing value of changing home telephone across to iiNet (sorry Telstra) and saving a bit of money in the process agrees to take the better $79.99 option because at the mo the current internet via the existing copper is a bit crappy! For those interested, cos I’ve been watching the speeds prior to the NBN installation (or should that be “devastation”) due to the bad vibes I’d been getting about “how shit it was” in the mainstream media, we got:
NB: Important information: Pre NBN my speed (if you could call it that) was x = 8.82 Mbps, S.D = 1.11 Mbps.
The Promissory Note
So we did the deal at Limitless data, up to 25 Mbps with local and standard national calls free. The congratulatory email duly arrived telling me that once connected to the NBN I would be placed on the new contract. Another NB: Now I was given to understand, perhaps stupidly so, that a CONTRACT was an agreement between entities where each had an obligation to deliver certain things, in this case I my regular payments for the service and iiNet the service it undertook to provide! Silly fucking me!!
AND THEN A LITTLE BIT OF REALITY
Finally, wa la! the connection came to life, after the usual buggering about and phone conversations to actually get it fucking working – especially enthralling after being told that I wouldn’t actually have to be there when it all happened! Being mindful of how shit the previous connection was, that there’d been lots of bitching about a “piss weak” NBN service, little Deknarf runs his speed tests to see how good it is!! SHOCK! HORROR! 3.11 Mbps???? So test again, and again, and again over several days prior to email complaining about crap service.
NB: The service: NBN speed x = 4.82 Mbps, S.D. = 1.65 Mbps. So the speed falls to 54.6% of what I had originally on what NBN Co and the stinking Lieberal/Neutered Puppy government claimed would surpass anything Labor said it would do? In two words; FUCKING LIARS!! And the variation got worse to boot??
So off went the email which went like this;
On 9 January, iiNet connected me to the local NBN on Limitless data, up to 25Mbps and to the telephony service at a new cost from my old agreement of 79.99 (old agreement $69.99).
I have been monitoring the connection speed both prior to, and post, the new connection.
Prior to the NBN connection mean speed was 8.82 Mbps with a Standard Deviation of 1.11 Mbps (n = 22). Post connection the speed dropped significantly to a mean of 4.82 Mbps with a Standard Deviation of 1.65 Mbps (n=16). A copy of the data is attached as a pdf file.
I think you would agree that this is not what I signed up for, is not the undertaking that you gave to me and, that quite simply the current service is CRAP!!
I therefore request:
That I be provided with the service that you undertook to give ASAP.
That I am not charged the new rate of $79.99 until such times as you are able to provide the service that you undertook to give. Given that the service is even poorer than before I do not see why I should be charged at all until the service is rectified.
To say that I am disappointed, and underwhelmed by the new service would be an understatement (the expletives have been deleted)!
Got the usual response email (THANK GOURD THAT’S STILL WORKING) and undertaking to contact me to “work through the issues” with some “basic troubleshooting” as well as provide a “solution to the problem” I’m currently waiting for that phone call while writing this! PS: Like the NBN that phone call never came and hence never fucking delivered! Gee thanks iiNet!!
During the toing and froing, what should arrive in my Inbox but a charming, I use that term very loosely and with extreme cynicism, email from one Craig Levy, ostensibly the Chief Operating Officer for iiNet (see below for your erudition).
The Levy (Levity) Letter
Gee! Fucking thanks Craig for firstly telling me the bleeding obvious that I was connected to the NBN in the manner described, with the usual blurby bullshit about copper cabling, length, blah blah blah! And, that NBN Co “estimates” that my line speed (carefully trademark indicated so that iiNet can dump any responsibility) was 7.09 Mbps. Two decimal places eh? How’s that for fucking precision on an “estimate”?. Finally, good ole Craig baby makes the offer that because my plan doesn’t suit my line speed I can switch to a lower plan – AND HE’LL MAKE SURE THE DOWNGRADE FEES ARE WAIVED!! My Gourd, thy generosity overwhelms my sense of deep and abiding insult by an organisation that I have supported for 20+ years!
So in response to Craig baby I’d like to say this;
Thankyou so much for your consideration, or is that condescension. I am truly humbled by your concern for me as a long time client (20+ years) of iiNet. Thankyou also for reminding me, again, of the manner of my connection to the NBN. If you think that I am unbelievably angry about this lack of service and that your email did not improve the situation, you would be amazingly correct!
I have a few trivial questions for you if you are able to spare time to answer them.
Firstly, NBN Co “estimates” my line speed to be 7.09 Mbps. So they don’t actually know what the speed is?? Allow me to enlighten you, and them. The ‘actual’ line speed is a Mean of 4.82 MBps with a Standard Deviation of 1.65 Mbps. The line speed, at times, has been as low as 3.11 Mbps. So I would, respectfully, suggest that NBN Co couldn’t ‘estimate’ the airspeed of an unladen Swallow, European of course! I would also humbly suggest that you may be extremely gullible if you believe anything NBN Co says with respect to line speeds as I was extremely gullible in believing that you would deliver on your contractual obligation.
Given my pre-existing Mean speed of 8.82 Mbps with a Standard Deviation of 1.11 Mbps I think you would also agree that the connection to the NBN provided by YOU, is, quite simply CRAP and not providing what iiNet offered and which iiNet, and ii (sorry) contractually agreed too.
Secondly, you might also be able to explain why: when NBN Co replaced several kilometres of copper cable up to the local telephone exchange; I am only 0.8 kilometres from that exchange; live in a building recently constructed which has ‘new’ copper wire which also runs some 150 to 200 metres to the nearest telephone line pit; as to why the service should be CRAP? So with all this ‘new’ stuff supplanting all that ‘old stuff’, the speed is worse now than when there was just ‘old stuff’? I might not be a clever clogs but I do suspect that my leg is being wrenched, forcibly, from my body!
Thirdly, ‘your team understands’ that I ‘may’ be on a ‘new’ plan. So you don’t know? And you didn’t bother to find out? So this is a ‘generic’ email? Which means there are a whole lot of ‘sufferers’ in the network? I guess I should feel relieved that I’m not the only one who had faith in iiNet. Strangely, I’m not!
Fourthly, You may also be able to enlighten me as to whether iiNet has purchased enough capacity on this particular part of NBN Co’s NBN to enable you to provide me with what you undertook to provide?
Lastly, I must say I found your offer of ensuring that any ‘downgrade’ fees would be waived thoroughly insulting given that it was iiNet who made all the promises and has failed to deliver. So in compensation you offer me a couple of bucks to downgrade my plan? Blaming NBN Co is unadulterated buck passing – you already knew that there were problems with the NBN and are still offering deals that you are quite likely unable to deliver to everyone/anyone. Perhaps you should also waive the setup fee of $79.95 as well as any further fees until you deliver what you undertook to deliver, as well as cover any costs I may incur with reconnecting my telephone with Telstra should I take your offer up. Oh! Incidentally! Your bill with the new charges came yesterday! At least that system works, eh?
At this point in time I have no intention to take that offer up. What I would like from iiNet is very simple. I want you, iiNet, to deliver on what you undertook to deliver, without obfuscation and without excuses and carry out the contract that we have between us. I expect at the very minimum line speeds no less than 8.82 Mbps (previous speed) and consistently above that as per the contract between us.
PS: I’m still waiting to see a news item which indicates that the internet service providers, including iiNet, are taking a class action against NBN Co for misrepresentation, incompetence and deceit! However I won’t hold my breath!
NB: This italicised little note – well not little really – will be sent to email@example.com pretty soon after this rant it posted since Craig didn’t provide his own email address – funny that!!
So, in conclusion;
Am I pissed off with iiNet? You had better fucking believe it!!
Am I thoroughly pissed off with a misleading and dishonest NBN Co who have failed to deliver even the most basic of internet capability? Fucking oath I am!!
Am I disgusted with this deceitful, parasitic, incompetent Lieberal/Neutered Puppy Government who deliberately degraded a National Broadband Network which would have had to capability to free the people, farmers, and entrepreneurs from the clutches of their Pirate Capitalist masters? You ain’t fucking wrong!!! And a pox upon your syphilitic house!!!
If you vote Lieberal/Neutered Puppy next election you deserve to be hung, drawn and quartered!!
Would I get involved in a class action against internet service providers, NBN Co, this stinking Government? You fucking betcha!!
And that’s my fucking rant for the day . . . . . . . .!
AFTERTHOUGHT: If you don’t punish politicians and their parties for lying to you, you are predetermining your treatment as a fool!
POSTSCRIPT: All characters appearing in this work are not ‘necessarily’ entirely, and amazingly, fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living, dead or in a zombie like state, is ‘purely’ coincidental with an exceptionally high probability of being the construct of a ‘possibly’ deluded mind trying to grasp the true meaning of the political unreality of Australian politics! We can only gaze upon such greatness with wonderment!